If someone told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it? Singing sensation Bruno Mars probably would. He sure is keen.Ladies, if you ever happen upon a similar man you’d better snap him up real quick, because a man like Mars will actually jump in front of a train for you if only you’d ask. He’d shoot himself in the brain at your request. That’s dedication! Imagine Bruno, working himself into a Deerhunter style frenzy, picking up a handgun, pressing the barrel against his temple before pulling the trigger and blowing his brains out…for ya. Of course you’d be left to deal with the bloody mess, probable mental scarring and hours of subsequent police questioning, but who cares? Get this man some life insurance!
Would you do the same? No, probably not, because you’re a selfish bitch. Here are some other things our man Mars is probably willing to do for ya:
- Move to Spain for ya.
- Give up his seat on a train for ya.
- Unblock a drain for ya.
- Hijack a plane for ya.
- Name his child Dwayne for ya.
- Resit sixth grade for ya.
- Nuke the Ukraine for ya.
- Douse his balls in acid rain for ya.
- Sever his jugular vein for ya.
- Launch into a drug fueled, anti-Semitic tirade for ya.
- Sodomise Alex Zane for ya.
Do you know any other man that would do that? No. Because every other man is a dick for not wanting to kill himself for ya. I wish Bruno Mars would jump in front of a train for me. *Sigh.